The scene: You’re at your desk buying, selling, sending asinine IMs to your colleagues and just generally kicking ass and taking names when you get an itch. A stirring, down in your plums. You need to stick your tongue in something sweet or there’s a good chance you might die. You need a cupcake, ASAP.

The internal conflict: Cupcakes are for chicks and pusses. You’re a fucking MAN. How would it look if you were seen eating that little slice of heaven? You’d sooner take estrogen pills, slip into some panties and heels and tell people to call you Stupid Girl and that’s something you’d never do unless asked nicely twice or maybe just once or maybe even voluntarily. But, oh god, you need that sugar so bad you’re gonna burst! BUT HOW?? you ask yourself, nearly on the verge of tears. Cupcakes are inherently a woman thing due to their size so would it be better to just eat an entire red velvet cake? Would that man things up a bit? A little but 1) you love how big cupcakes make your hand look 2) you’re watching your weight (it’s beach season and all). There’s also the problem of most cupcake makers using lots of girly colors like pink and skimping on the non-manly ingredients like semen and sweat and gah it’s just too hard! WHAT’S A BOY TO DO??

The Solution: Enter David Arrick. He was laid off from his Wall Street gig and with the time on his hands, solved your problem. David, too, realized that eating cupcakes sent a message you didn’t want to send, so he for real came up with a company called “Butch Bakery” that lets you look like a man while devouring heaven in bite-sized form. How so? Glad you asked. Butch Bakery “stays away from the pink” and injects stuff like beer and whiskey and rum and coke to create a product that lets you maintain your non-chick status all the while allowing you to enjoy an “explosion in your mouth that is just delicious.”

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

“While debating changes to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, Senate Banking Committee Chairman Chris Dodd (D-Conn.) told his colleagues: “Read this new book, ‘The Big Short.’” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) was decrying Republican obstructionism on the floor when he said, “I recommend everyone within the sound of my voice to read the book.” It’s terrific for people who haven’t spent a lot of time on” the subject, Levin said. “My wife is really into it. I read it, marked it up for my staff, underlined it, made copies and asked them to read it.”

The Big Short A Hot Read On Hill [Politico]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

THE CHICKEN IS THE BUN!

The Challenge: 7 KFC Double Down sandwiches in 30 minutes.

“This is a face-off between two men. Winner will be the first man to finish or whoever eats the most within the time constraints without a reversal. There is an open offer on the table to all comers with 2 to 1 odds that neither will be able to finish within the 30 minute window. The event is happening tomorrow from 12:30 – 1:00 PM.”

Some info on the participants, according to their colleagues:

Participant One:

*26 Years Old

* Heavy Weight – shaped like Wario without the mustache, 235 lbs, 5′8″

* He is a data freak and has been monitoring his weight daily for the past 7 years. He is currently at an all time high. He gave a presentation at a group meeting which presented regression results that explained the relationship between his seamless web ordering habits and his weight gain.

* Leaving the firm in June for MBA program that shall remain nameless.

Participant Two:

* 27 Years Old

* Middle Weight, approximately 5′11″

* Lives in New Jersey with his wife (almost everyone else in the office is unmarried and lives in Manhattan) and has a love of ultimate fighting.

Earlier: Have We Identified The Next Food Eating Challenge?

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

News Corp. (NWS) has apparently made job cuts at IGN Entertainment, a business that includes a variety of video-gaming sites, as well as AskMen.com. The video-game focused Web site Joystiq posted the internal memo on the cuts from IGN president Roy Bahat. Here’s an excerpt:

“Today’s a hard day at IGN. We’ve had to reduce the size of our organization and are eliminating roles today in every part of the company. We are making every effort to be compassionate and fair to the people whose roles we’ve eliminated.

We’re doing this to reduce costs. While we’ve been doing well — we’re profitable and our audience continues to grow — we’re still feeling the effects of the economy, and we need to make sure we can invest where there is opportunity. Over the past couple of years, we have been focusing IGN on areas where we can not only grow, but be best in the world: serving gamers online, and serving advertisers looking to reach men. To do that successfully, we have to be as efficient as possible in our core businesses. The difficult actions we’re taking today get us to where we need to be.

We are losing colleagues who played an important role getting us to where we are — #1 in games and men’s lifestyle, and growing 40% over last year in the total size of our audience. We are deeply grateful to our colleagues for everything they’ve done. We as a company are absolutely headed in the right direction, and while today will be hard, it won’t stop us.“

Disclosure: News Corp. is also the publisher of this blog.

Article courtesy of BARRONS.com: Tech Trader Daily