With bonus season rapidly approaching, one must ask his/herself an important question. This year, you can be one of two people– the guy who takes whatever number is offered him or the guy who picks one out of thin air, regardless of performance, visualizes it and brings it on home. If you want the latter, you can have it. But you’re going to have to allow yourself to be coached by the experts. To that end, today FINS offers a tip on what sort of body language emboldens a person to make big bets or demands.
Subjects who kicked back and threw their feet on a desk or leaned over and planted their hands far apart on a desk for about a minute showed spikes in testosterone, a hormone that cultivates dominant behavior, muscle growth and risk tolerance. At the same time, they showed decreases in cortisol, a hormone that is released as a response to stress. The results were consistent for males and females alike. The research, which was just published in Psychological Science journal, also showed that “high-powered posers” behaved differently and made different decisions based on the hormonal shift. After the initial posing experiment, each of the 42 subjects was given $2 and the choice of gambling the money on a 50/50 chance to win $4. Some 86% of those who had just struck powerful stances took the bet, compared to 60% of the subjects who had been in weaker positions.
Naturally the feet on the desk move can be tailored based on what you’re asking for and how ridiculous it is relative to reality. Shooting for a unit? The desk should be your boss’s and you should sweep the papers off it first. Going for 9 figures when you’ve lost the firm twice that much this year? Make sure to take your shoes off and go socks only.
That, of course, is just one important element for these talks and only a real fool would hope simply propping his feet up would produce a spectacular bonus, earned or not. The guys cashing the Publisher’s Clearing House-sized checks of their dreams will be following our early tutorial. If you haven’t already, be sure to refresh yourself before going in there.
1. You must–must!– have a wing-negotiator. I don’t care if it’s a first year analyst, an intern, or the receptionist, you need someone who’ll be there to a) back you up but most importantly announce your entrance. You will wait outside the conference room and he/she will go in and let everyone know, “Alright, you suits, prepare yourselves for [your first name]-motherfucking [your last name].”
2. Consider walking in in a manner that conveys to them you have more important shit going on than your bonus negotiations (fielding other offers, reaming out your pimp for hooking you up with a piece of less than Grade A quality meat, etc), like entering in the middle of a phone conversation and giving them the “1 minute” sign.
3. Confidence. You’ve got to have it and you’ve got to show it. Opening lines such as “Listen up you motherfuckers, let me just cut right to the chase. This not my first rodeo. I have signed a hundred other bonus agreements that have been way bigger than this shit, okay? So nobody is going to be fucking bamboozling anyone with this lingo-jingo-fucking mingo” are a good idea.
4. Demands. In addition to the cash and stock portion of your bonus, which you will get, have a list of things your employer needs to do for you on top of that. This shows them a) you’re not messing around b) that you know your worth. A big ass office. Bukakke porn. A motorcycle with a “Fuck You” license plate. Etc. Also, in these times, it’s good to go with stuff they can’t really clawback– a tattoo of a naked Russian chick on your inner arm. Fluffers. You get the drill.
5. Wrapping it up. You entered with intimidation, you leave with it, and on top of that, you grab the boss’s pen or whiteboard marker and you walk out with that too. You are not someone to be trifled with.
If you’re having trouble thinking about how to put all these tips together as a cohesive unit, please do review the following training video that incorporates them all. Read the full story