It would be a “moral disaster” if the United States were to default on its debts and become unable to pay its obligations, Jamie Dimon said at an appearance in Colorado Thursday evening. The U.S. is the financial linchpin of the world, and the economic effects of the U.S. defaulting could be “potentially catastrophic,” he said at a dinner for the University of Colorado Denver Business School. “It will dwarf Lehman,” Dimon said. [HP]

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Jamie Dimon wanted to make the announcement Oprah-style (You get a title change! And you get a title change! And you get a title change!) but there was concern that some employees would pass out from the excitement.

Subject: New Managing Directors

Please join me in congratulating the individuals listed below on their promotion to Managing Director.

It takes leadership, teamwork and dedication to earn this recognition. We set the bar high, and they have delivered the results. We now look to them to foster a culture that emphasizes trust, integrity and honesty in doing business on behalf of our clients and our firm.

Each MD candidate is assessed against important criteria, such as financial performance, control, partnership, people development, scope of role and future potential. These individuals worked hard to become MDs and now belong to a group that comprises 6% of the Investment Bank’s employee population.

I also want to thank the members of the 2011 MD Selection Committee for their commitment to this process. Their judgment and leadership ensured that all of this year’s candidates received careful consideration.

In particular, thanks to Karen Simon and Matt Zames for serving as co-chairs of this year’s Committee.

Congratulations again to our new Managing Directors.

Jes Staley

New IB Managing Directors
Dave Akhtar
Susan Elolampi
Alex Latham
Jim Powers
Steven Alexopoulos
Alfonso Eyzaguirre
David Lau
Tom Prickett
Kimberly Allen
Jamison Feheley
Steven Leppard
Gregory Prime
Daniel Antonelli
Gene Fernandez
Joseph Liguori
Keith Pritchard
Marc Baigneres
Paul Finger
Jiwon Lim
Lauren Puglisi
Sam Bakhshandehpour
Eliot Fisk
Peter Simon Lindsey
Ian Raindle
Tom Baluk
Donal Fleming
Dan Lonski
Pedro Ribeiro Jr.
Fabio Bassi
Rick FlorJancic
Jiandong Lu
Katie Ruci
Afshin Bayrooti
Mark Follett
Simon Maisey
Tim Rule
Duncan Beattie
Rupert Ford
Steve Malin
Tom Salter
Joe Beggans Jr.
Usman Ghani
Stuart Marker
Raja Sambamurty
Shane Berkley
Matt Greenberg
Mislav Matejka
William Simmonds
Anastasia Bloom
Michael Grise
Philippe McAuliffe
Mansoor Sirinathsingh
Eamon Brabazon
Gregg Gunselman
Alton McDowell
Jack Smith
Melissa Bright
Mohit Gupta
Peter McInnes
Bob Stolte
Hans Buehler
Mark Hansen
Daniel McNeill
Hemant Anil Takalkar
David Caldana
David Hine
Geoffrey Meacham
Steve Terui
Evangeline Casey
Alan Ho
Rakesh Mehta
David Thomas
Seung Il Chae
Khaled Hobballah
Eric Menell
Jerry Topitzer
Vivek Chandiramani
George Holst
Ernesto Mercadante
Matthew Troy
Eric Childs
Brett Hoover
Chris Miller
Selen Unsal Jacoby
Mike Collar
Chris Hsieh
Scott Mitchell
Luis Valdich
Nick Conron
David Hudson
Michael Monforth
Xavier Valencia
Simon Crisp
Stephen Jani
Cristina Monteiro
Aristidis Vourakis
Rich Crozier
Michael Jansen
Mark Mullahy
Stephen Bradley Walters
Luiz De Salvo
Ken Janssens
Madhu Namburi
Jill Woodworth
Charles-Everard de T’Serclaes
Ashu Joglekar
Ross Niland
Brian Ye
Brad Demong
Pedro Juliano
Noriko Okano
Ehsun Zaidi
Tushar Desai
Fumihiko Kanai
Fede Olemberg
Yang Diao
Karoline Kane
Michael Openshaw
Brian Dillon
Yoshi Katsumura
Peter Pallister
Ed Donner
K.L. Kim
Rakesh Patel
Alex Douklias
Ken Krug
Richard Pemberton
Anna Dunn
Juan Langlois
Mike Powell

In addition, we would like to congratulate the new Managing Directors who were promoted through the Marketing & Communications and Human Resources selection processes.

Marketing & Communications
Brian Marchiony

Human Resources
Celia Connolly

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Now that Graydon “JPMorgan emerged from the crisis a winner because Jamie Dimon is tall, fit and nice-looking (for a banker)” Carter has been cast in Arbitrage as “the head of an investment bank trying to snap up a firm from a hedge-fund magnate, played by Richard Gere.” [NYP, earlier]

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Every single company with treasuries, every insurance fund, every — every requirement that — it will start snowballing. Automatic, you don’t pay your debt, there will be default by ratings agencies. All short-term financing will disappear. I would have hundreds of work streams working around the world protecting our company for that kind of event. [PBS via BI]

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When one is the chief executive of a bank or otherwise important person whose skills are in high demand, he or she needs to be available to pick up and move out of state at a moment’s notice, whether or not the the house is sold or the water is still running. This hasn’t posed a problem in time’s past, what with the most magnificent housing bubble the world had ever seen, but with the market having its teeth kicked in and left naked and bound in an alleyway with the words “Big Al” was here written in Sharpie across its chest, thing have been slightly more difficult of late. Tim Geithner, for instance, hasn’t been able to sell his Westchester house since taking the job of Treausury Secretary, despite cutting the price and retiling the bathroom, ultimately being forced to rent it out by the hour. Jamie Dimon too went through a similar problem unloading his Chicago home (where he lived as CEO of Bank One and held on to til his daughters graduated high school), despite fantastic art gracing the walls. Luckily for JD, the long wait is over. He reportedly sold his manse for $6.8 million (after having bought it for $4.7 million) and JPMorgan apparently picked up the relator tab.

JPMorgan covered $421,458 in real estate commissions and related costs in selling Dimon’s Gold Coast mansion. In the company’s proxy, it said the payment of commissions, appraisals, inspections, title search and other ordinary costs of selling a home was “in accordance with the firm’s general policy on relocation expenses, applicable to all eligible employees who relocate at the request of the firm.”

Meanwhile, Geithner has to take calls during meetings with the Chinese that the toilet is clogged again and he needs to fix it; don’t even get him started on the fact that even though the lease agreement prohibits smoking, he sees that damn hookah out every time he stops by.

[CRD via BI]

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Dimon’s $23 million compensation package included a $5 million cash bonus, his first since 2007, the New York-based company said today in a regulatory filing. His base salary remained at $1 million and his restricted stock payout increased 20 percent to $17 million. That helped boost total compensation by more than half from $15.2 million in 2009, according to the bank’s calculations. [Bloomberg]

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$$$ New international bank capital standards are excessive and may impede economic growth, Jamie Dimon warned on Tuesday. “It will stifle economic growth and I already believe it is,” said Dimon, who was speaking at the annual spring meeting of the Council of Institutional Investors. [Reuters]

$$$ The Private Equity Parallels With Buffett [Dealbook]

$$$ Facebook Implements Insider Trading Policy [Digits via DI]

$$$ Is Bernanke Too Pollyannaish? Bill Gross Thinks So [NetNet]

$$$ HSBC Client Said to Plead Guilty to Hiding Bank Accounts [Bloomberg]

$$$ Fed’s AIG Bond Sale Stirs Action In Subprime Market [WSJ]

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Don’t freak out though, it’s not a big deal. Uncle D says this is nothing to worry about.

Jamie Dimon said some municipalities will need to renegotiate their debt and a hundred may not “make it.” “I wouldn’t panic about what I’m about to say,” Dimon, 55, said today at a U.S. Chamber of Commerce event in Washington. “You’re going to see some municipalities not make it. I don’t think it’s going to shatter America, I just think it’s a part of the credit cycle.”

Meredith Whitney’s prediction was around 50 to a 100 defaults, though she seemed to be of the mind it was more of a MAYDAY! situation.

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

As we reported last week, when the earthquake hit, JPMorgan CEO James Dimon did not think twice about booking a flight to Japan to visit with employees and clients affected by the disaster. He arrived yesterday and, hearteningly, seems to have breathed new life into the area with his mere presence, lifting the spirits of those who were badly in need of a pick-me-up. Dimon offered “a silent prayer” for the victims of the ‘quake and delivered a “short but moving” speech to a sizable crowd, who was extremely happy to see him. “As part of the staff based in Japan, I was really encouraged by his visit,” a person at the bank told the Journal. As for what happened next, we don’t want to scare anyone but all Park Ave-based employees should be taking careful notes.

According to one person, snaking lines formed around the smiling CEO as people waited to get a photo with Mr. Dimon, who became a legend for steering the bank through the global financial crisis. The photo session went on for about two hours in the evening.

“It was almost like he was a Japanese pop idol,” the person said. Mr. Dimon also appeared on the trading floors to mingle with his staff earlier this morning.

While JPMorgan employees at home surely respect JD and perhaps even still get butterflies in their stomachs when glimpsing him in the building, few if any whip out a pitchbook or a breast for Dimon to sign. And one can’t but wonder if the contrast between how he was received in Tokyo and the reception he receives at home will stick out in his mind. If you’re at 270 and feel silly worrying, yet can’t get the idea out of your head that maybe JD will decide to relocate and abandon you, start thinking about what you can do to make him feel as loved as your counterparts in Japan. Sending him a care package while he’s gone with (photoshopped) pictures of you to remind him of your face would be a good jumping off point, as would slipping that you paid his hairdresser for snippets of those luscious locks, and asking him to be a sperm donor for your future child.

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Serious question- has James Dimon, he of JPMorgan, come out looking better than some other Wall Street CEO’s because of a nice face, “fluffy white, unbankerish hair” and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of? Alternatively, has Dick Fuld become something of a villain not because of that business with Lehman Brothers’ balance sheet, per se, but because he’s got a mug that will haunt your dreams? Both are theories currently being floated.

Sayeth Vanity Fair”

JPMorgan Chase C.E.O. Jamie Dimon is tall. He’s fit. For a banker, he’s nice-looking. And he’s got that head of fluffy white, unbankerish hair. You could argue that Dimon’s single greatest asset is that he doesn’t look like Dick Fuld. Fuld, the former C.E.O. of Lehman Brothers, is a virtual Thomas Nast caricature of the venal banker; all that is missing is the stovepipe hat and the mustache-twirling. Because of his looks, Fuld has probably had a rougher ride of it over the past two and a half years. And because of his looks, Dimon has probably had too easy a ride. While Goldman Sachs C.E.O. Lloyd Blankfein became a piñata for legislators and the press, Dimon fully embraced his role as Wall Street’s fair-haired boy—or “America’s Least-Hated Banker,” as The New York Times Magazine put it just last December.

Dimon In The Rough [VF]

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