As you may have heard, Congresswoman Maxine Waters is currently being investigated on charges she arranged stimulus funds for a minority-owned bank in which Mr. Waters owned stock. Max maintains her innocence and wants a public trial to be held “as quickly as possible so she can clear her name.” In the meantime Ms. Waters says she’s gonna be putting a few people on trial herself– two of the biatches investigating her.

A struggle inside the House ethics committee could spill out into the open later today when Rep. Maxine Waters (D., Calif.), the subject of an ongoing investigation, calls for an official probe into the indefinite suspension of two people investigating her. Rep. Waters, whose public trial was abruptly delayed late last month, plans to offer a “privileged resolution” as early as Tuesday “directing the speaker to appoint a bipartisan task force to investigate the circumstances and cause” of a decision to place two investigators on paid leave, according to excerpts of the resolution.

Morgan Kim, the committee’s deputy chief counsel who was directing the Waters probe, and Stacey Sovereign, another staff attorney, were put on paid administrative leave the Friday before Thanksgiving – the same day the panel announced it was restarting its investigation into Ms. Waters. It’s still unclear why the pair was suspended, and no wrongdoing has been alleged.

In the resolution, [Waters] argues that the suspensions “have subjected the committee to public ridicule, produced contempt for the ethics process, created the public perception that the committee’ purpose was to unjustly impugn the integrity of a member of the House and weakened the ability of the committee to properly conduct its investigative duties.”

In case Ms. Kim and Ms. Sovereign are unaware, here’s what (fingers-crossed) Max has in store for them:

Rep. Waters Seeks Probes Of Ethics Investigators [WSJ]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

“What went wrong?” she asked Mark Haines. “I’ll tell you what went wrong. These exotic products that tricked people…this is not just some irresponsible homeowner.”

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

$$$ SF Fed: ‘Significant‘ Chance of Recession Next 2 Years [CNBC]

$$$ JPMorgan’s Losses from Indecent Overexposure [HP]

$$$ Maxine Waters Charges Spelled Out by U.S. House Ethics Panel [Bloomberg]

$$$ The Moonlighting Cop, The Wanna Be Mogul and The Killer App That Wasn’t [Roddy Boyd]

$$$ Judge in ‘Fabulous Fab‘ case offers to sell Goldman IRA [NYP]

$$$ Raid By NY Law Firm Points To Coming M&A Boom? [CNBC]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

Ok, so we can sort of understand the utter ignorance of many lawmakers about markets and modern finance in general. We can’t expect all of them to possess the kind of Maxine Watersesque encyclopedic knowledge of swap credit defaults and other complex derivatives.

But never using, and therefore by extension, not knowing how to use an ATM machine is just beyond dumb. I mean, how out of touch with reality do you need to be to still drive up to the bank teller, fill out a withdrawal slip and wait for the cash?

Just ask Democratic Sen. Ben Nelson.

Lawmakers walk past that ATM all the time on their way to votes on the Senate floor, but don’t expect to see Sen. Ben Nelson stopping to grab some quick cash. The Nebraska Democrat pleaded ignorance when asked this week whether Congress should cap ATM fees. Nelson said that while he’s no fan of unnecessary fees, he’s unfamiliar with the charges.

“I’ve never used an ATM, so I don’t know what the fees are,” Nelson said, adding that he gets his cash from bank tellers, just not automatic ones. “It’s true, I don’t know how to use one.

“But I could learn how to do it just like I’ve . . . I swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. I know about the holograms.” By “holograms,” Nelson clarified that he meant the bar codes on products read by automatic scanners in the checkout lanes at stores such as Lowe’s and Menard’s.

“I go and get my own seating assignment on an airplane,” Nelson said. “I mean, I’m not without some skills. I just haven’t had the need to use an ATM.”

ATMs a Mystery to Senator [Omaha World Herald]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

While Sen. Chris Dodd’s financial reform bill is one giant 1,300 page tome, it’s so vague that almost any financial product known to man will come under its purview.

That’ll create the “largest and most powerful crony system in history,” Cliff Asness, comic book collector, and his AQR colleague Aaron Brown write in their latest Op-Ed in the WSJ. (FD: Asness gave $4,600 to Dodd’s campaign in 2007, but only $409 last year.)

The definition of “swap,” for example, could entail anything from a Maxine Waters back rub to a Goldman CDO. There’s also no clearly defined parameters of what a “major swap participant.” You could buy one tiny swap contract and immediately be labeled an enemy combatant, and you don’t want to find out what that means.

In the bill, a “swap” is defined as “any contract or transaction that has financial, economic or commercial consequence involving purchase, sale, payment or delivery with any contingent clause.” We challenge lawmakers to think of any contract or transaction that doesn’t meet that definition—from buying detergent with a money-back guarantee to getting a rain-check at the car wash. If you maintain a “substantial” net position in swaps, or if your failure to perform under your swaps could cause “significant” losses, you are considered a “major swap participant.” And you really don’t want to be one considering how you’ll be regulated.

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

First off, let it be known that I don’t think LB should or will go anywhere. Nevertheless there are some people, some haters, talking about that very possibility. Dick Bové said it a couple weeks ago but she was on the rag at the time and not to be taken seriously. Now there’s a story out today, hopefully based on vicious lies, that there are people within in Goldman Sachs– the same people who gave Lloyd a standing ovation the other day for beating Ginger the resident chicken at tic-tac-toe– who are daring to speak of a day in which LB’s golden scrot and shining pate do not run shit at 200 West.

They’re traitorous shrews, of course, who have no idea what they’re talking about but just for yuks, we’ll play their little game. So, in this messed up scenario in which LB leaves the building, who takes the reigns? I love him dearly and know for a fact he’s waiting for the call, but this is not happening for Corzine. The only possibilities that come to mind are Jay-Z (he’s already a client, no one could hate GS with J in charge, and he also fancies himself quite the business guru), Maxine Waters and Lucas van Praag (at the moment we’re only getting his restrained, abridged pearls of wisdom. Imagine a world in which he was uncensored). Now you go. Serious suggestions only please.

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker