Last night Daily Intel Jessica and I met Lloyd Blankfein’s face. This is how it went down. Please read Act I here.

Scene: The Financial Times/Goldman Sachs Business Book of the Year Awards. The Pierre Hotel. Night.

Characters: Andrew Ross Sorkin, Lloyd Blankfein, Intel Jessica, Dealbreaker Bess, PR People, Assorted Nerds from the worlds of Media and Finance.

Act II

[People cutting into Jess and Bess's Time With Lloyd leave, finally]

Dealbreaker Bess: [Doesn't know what to say so just leads with the truth]: You’re my muse.
Lloyd: [Lloyd Smile on]: Oh yeah?
Dealbreaker Bess: [Knows she should pump the brakes on this but can't, it's left the station]: Yes– I love writing about you- you inspire me.
Lloyd: [Lloyd Grin on full blast]: I bet I could probably do me better than you do me if I tried [Laughs, touches DB BL's arm] No, I’m kidding. Who are your other muses?
Dealbreaker Bess: Well I really only have a few, distant to you. Steve Cohen, the hedge fund manager and [racks her brain] this guy…Lenny Dykstra.

[Jess and Bess just gazing at Lloyd at this point, which is fine with them but they know they need to keep this going before someone dives in and takes him away. Drunk on LB, the thing that seems most logical to bring up next is a mutual friend]

Dealbreaker Bess: So Lucas says great things about you.
Lloyd: But he’s an idiot! [cracking himself up] no, I’m kidding. Love Lucas.

[Someone from the FT taps Lloyd on shoulder to take pictures with the nominees, who everyone else is here to celebrate]

[Jess and Bess huddle.]

Intel Jessica: I need to have my picture taken with him.
Dealbreaker Bess: Okay, do you want to just go hover?
Intel Jessica: Is that weird?
Dealbreaker Bess: Yes…but I think it’s going to be okay.

[Lloyd is taking pictures with the nominees, one of whom is Andrew Ross Sorkin]

Intel Jessica: I’m going in.

[Jessica crosses in front of the group. A look of horror passes across Andrew Ross Sorkin's face. "What is she doing???" he shrieks internally, and probably also, "NO! This is my moment!"]

Intel Jessica: [grabs the photographer] Will you take our picture?
Confused Photog: Sure!

[Intel Jessica wraps her arms around Lloyd. She feels a little like Koko with the kitten, only the kitten in this instance is the CEO of the world's most loathed and powerful financial institution. Photographer snaps shots, Sorkin still looks on in horror barely being able to believe Intel Jessica has turned his photoshoot with Lloyd into some scene at a suburban mall-- "Have Your Picture Taken With SantaBlankfein]

Lloyd: (Still beaming) You didn’t really need a picture, you could have just PhotoShopped me in!

[Other people zoom in on Lloyd, pushing Jess and Bess toward the rear, near the dining room]

Hotel employee: [To Jess and Bess] People are going in to dinner now.

Bess: [Still fixated on Lloyd] We’re just waiting for…our friend.

[Jess and Bess again huddle.]

Dealbreaker Bess: [This idea actually enters her mind and these words exit her mouth]: Should I ask him to do something with us?
Intel Jessica: Ooo, like an activity?
Dealbreaker Bess: Yes! But what do we want to do with him?
[Jessica considers, and then with absolute certainty.]
Intel Jessica: Ask him to play squash with us.
[Note: neither Jess nor Bess are squash players but somehow this just feels right.]

[Bess crosses the dining room.]

Dealbreaker Bess: Hi again.
Lloyd: [Lloyd Grin]: Hi there.
Dealbreaker Bess: So…who do you want to win?
Lloyd: I can’t tell anyone! I’m surrounded by regulators all day [laughing]– I know the rules!
Dealbreaker Bess: Okay that’s fine…what I really came to say is…I feel like you should play squash with me and Jessica some time.
Lloyd: Oh I should?
Dealbreaker Bess: Yeah, it’ll be really fun, you’ll enjoy it. Trust me.
Lloyd: We’ll have to play then!

And we will.

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

He “picked her up in a Maserati and she said well maybe I can get used to this.” Let’s make this happen.

Subject: Meeting Request: Reality Television Potential

Entertainment Executives,

My name is Jon [redacted]. First off I enjoy your company’s work which is why I’m writing to you. I’m from North Carolina and “moved” to the city a couple weeks ago and started working at a media company in NYC last Monday. I say “moved” because currently I am going from couch to couch from NYC to Hoboken until I find a place. The girl that I’m staying with is the focus of this email. Her name is Bobbie and she’s 25 years old. What I’ve seen her do in the last month is so amazing it’s something that has to be shared. She has managed to play 4 different men, one being an NFL star, and live the most unreal life anyone could live while still being low profile. I met her at my last job when I worked in Charlotte, NC and she’s cool as hell so we’re still really good friends. Only friends. But just seeing the craziness in her life is something that anyone would love to see and I know you would feel the same way. This is NOT a joke. Please continue reading.

[...]

Then there’s a 34 year old Asian American VP at Goldman Sachs. This is not her type of guy at all. She loves a big black man who’s in shape and has a little thug in him. That’s all she’s ever dated. So why is this guy in the picture? Because he has spent over $50,000 dollars on her in the last 2 months. When she first got here she went to a bar by herself a few times and got hit on by a few people when she went but wouldn’t really give them the time of day. One night this guy comes up to her and she was just like fine, and for some reason said yes when he asked her out on a date. When he came to pick her up he picked her up in a Maserati and she said well maybe I can get used to this. They went to dinner at that restaurant in the city that’s high in the air and that floor rotates so you can see all of NYC while you eat. He bought 2 $650 bottles of Champagne during dinner. She has still been “talking” to him but has no attraction to him. He has taken her on shopping sprees and whenever she mentions wanting something he usually has it for her the next day. Louis purses, a $6,000 dollar limited edition Coach purse, 2 pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes, the iPhone, Blackberry Torch and Evo and pay for her lines on 2 of them. She has gotten much more than that but there is a picture attached showing a few of the things I mentioned. The crazy thing is that the only thing they’ve ever done is kiss. Never past that. She has him on a string and only sees him when she feels like it. And she has other guys to worry about. When I started drafting this email I was at her apartment and she left with this guy to get a massage and go shopping in the city. Attached are a couple of pictures of her getting into his car. She came back with over $1,000 worth of clothes and shoes. I actually like this guy a lot. I had drinks with him the other night because maybe he can help my company in some way because he’s very smart and and knows all things digital. He’s meeting with our business development team next week.

The Craziest Reality TV Pitch You’ll Hear This Week [Gawker]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

We all know of and, in some cases, have personally experienced, the dangers of the drunk trader, the strung-out trader, and the trader whose estrogen levels are running perilously low. But there is a vastly more dangerous condition under which billions could be lost, though for some reason it apparently merits little attention in the press.

I’m talking, of course, about the hungry trader. Most outsiders and investing neophytes assume in-depth research and a top-notch ability to get information first is the key to the tri-state area’s most successful hedge funds but, really, high-fructose corn syrup and salt are the engine that drives these firms’ returns and the reason keeping their pantries fully loaded is priority numero uno. And now we’ve got science backing us up.

A recent study from the British Psychological Society that found people are more prone to take financial chances when their bellies are growling than when they’ve been well-fed. “[O]ur animal instinct to maintain a balanced metabolic state influences our decision-making in other contexts, including finance,” the BPS said in discussing the results of a study in which 19 men faced the same gambling choice a week apart. The participants were asked to select between pairs of choices, including one that had both a higher risk and higher chance of return. They made the decisions after a 14-hour fast; immediately after eating a 2,000-calorie meal; or one hour after a 2,000-calorie same meal. The study found risk aversion to be at its highest immediately after consuming the big meal, though the results varied depending on hormonal changes and body types.

Nicholas Colas, chief strategist at BNY ConvergEx Group in New York, said such behavioral economics do help to explain behavior in the financial markets. “When I worked at a large (Connecticut)-based hedge fund a few years ago, I always wondered why the company kitchen was so well stocked with chips, sodas and other snacks. At my next trading gig, the company founder insisted on having lunch, as a group, every day at exactly noon,” Colas wrote Monday in an analysis. “Whether they knew it or not, both fund managers knew that staying well fed is actually a risk management tool, at least if the BPS study is any guide. Hungry traders are, well, riskier traders.”

It’s not enough, of course, to just have snacks on hand. Not going to name names but one well-known hedge fund experienced unprecedented failure, relative to its historical returns, around the same time it introduced items like “Soy Chips” to the mix, which have the opposite effect of offering the eater clear-headedness but rather inspire suicidal thoughts through every bite. So it’s gotta be the good stuff and if you want to be the guy who makes sure this is a priority, the next time you find yourself with only an array of shitty options in the pantry or caf, you grab the most offensive, walk yourself over to the Big Kahuna’s desk, chew it up and spit it out (ideally in his hand but face works, too) and ask, “You call this a snack?” He’ll get the picture.

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

Yesterday we mentioned newly divorced single mom Cheryl Mercuris, of the Tampa Bay Mercurises, was looking for a new husband. To that end, she’d invested her (own) money (she’s a “direct marketing entrepreneur”) in a $250,000/week rental in Bridgehampton. At the time, any of you scoffed at this flagrant waste of money but Cheryl, a “a self-made millionaire” knew you gotta spend money to make money. And following yesterday’s personal ad in the Post announcing her presence out East, Single and Ready To Mingle reports the plan is paying off in spades.

“It was worth every penny,” S&M said. “I’ve never had more fun, and I’ve never met as many exciting people and such friendly people — not to mention the publicity.” She has apparently been “inundated” with phone calls and emails from “guys looking to cozy up to her,” including but not limited to:

* A guy who may work in a boiler room: “Cheryl I saw your article in the post I’m a young guy working in the brokerage business right here in Long Island,” wrote one of her many gentleman e-mailers. “I would like to show you around.”

* And a 29-year-old investment banker who is also a former college basketball player. “I was reading the Post today and saw your picture in an article and thought that you are very beautiful,” he e-mailed. “Next time when you are in Manhattan I would like to take you to dinner or just drinks. I know my age might scare you but I am a very mature, hard working businessman. I am tall (6′ 7) so not sure if that scares you,” he wrote. “Let me know if you would like to meet for drinks or coffee one day.”

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

SO. MUCH. CLARITY.

Drown them in his tears, that is. (For those of you keeping up at home the answer is yes, this is the second time on record the former IBM exec has cried on record re: Chiesi, the fishnet-wearing analyst he traded all kinds of tips with if you’re picking up what I’m throwing down and I think you are.)

In an interview with Fortune, Moffat came across as emotional, repentant, and chastened. He wept describing the embarrassment he’d brought upon IBM, his colleagues, and family. While he showed little self-pity, he rebuffed the notion that he hadn’t paid a price for his crimes, noting that by leaving IBM he was giving up an estimated $65 million in lost stock options and pension that he would have collected when he retired at 60. “The biggest thing I’ve lost,” he said, “is my reputation.” Moffat was not allowed by his lawyer to discuss his case or his relationship with Chiesi, but when told that Fortune intended to write about the affair, he said this: “Everyone wants to make this about sex. Danielle had an extensive network of business people. And she added clarity about what was going on in the business world…I know in my heart what this relationship was about: clarity in the business environment.”

Oh, god, and there’s also this:

“Moffat was a number cruncher of the first order: He had been, among other things, the head of IBM’s supply chain. Spreadsheets sang to him; he carried three-ring binders stuffed with data about the business. Some people might think his work was dull. But in 2002 he met a hedge fund analyst who found what he did insanely alluring. Danielle Chiesi, a former teenage beauty queen, was a woman for whom business information was the ticket to gratification. She liked older men, and she enjoyed pushing their buttons. “I love the three S’s,” she would tell them. “Sex, stocks, and sports.”

Sex was part of the picture, to be sure, but the dangerous elixir that really bound these people to one another was information. It enriched some of them, it thrilled all of them, and it eventually ruined their careers. Trading business information, Chiesi would say, was “like an orgasm.”

Inside IBM’s Sex And Trading Scandal [CNN Money]
Earlier: Former IBM Exec Bob Moffatt Had A Really Good Excuse For Passing Inside Info To Danielle Chiesi

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

There were 15 or 17 venture-backed initial public offerings in the second quarter of 2010, depending on who’s counting. That’s the most since 2007. But both Dow Jones VentureSource and the National Venture Capital Association, which issued reports on the IPO market today, agree that IPOs are still on unsteady ground. That’s why several companies canceled their planned IPOs during the quarter.

Most newly public firms are now trading below their entry price. A few did well, led by Tesla Motors, which raised $226 million this week. But just yesterday, Korean chip maker MagnaChip canceled its planned $250 million IPO on the New York Stock Exchange. MagnaChip joins mobile TV chip vendor Telegent and solar cell maker Solyndra in backing away from the stock market.

“Volumes paint only half the picture,” Mark Heesen, president of the NVCA, wrote in a prepared statement accompanying the group’s report. “Post-IPO performance must improve overall if we want to move towards a sustainable recovery.”

The median time from creation to IPO for the companies that did go public was 5.1 years, with a median of $18 million in venture backing. That’s the same amount of capital as a year ago, but it’s a 16 percent increase in time to IPO and the longest median time since VentureSource began tracking IPOs in 1992.

VentureSource says there are 41 companies in the IPO pipeline right now. As a raw number, it’s encouraging, but it’s not 1999 coming around again.

Both VentureSource and the NVCA also reported that mergers and acquisitions were soft in the second quarter. But it’s important to understand that M&A isn’t down because IPOs are up. Overall, the exit market is in trouble.

Article courtesy of VentureBeat » Deals & More

As previously mentioned, I did a little interview with CNBC’s Trish Regan. We discussed, among other things, her time at DE Shaw and whether or noat Charlie Gasparino and Dennis Kneale are necrophiliacs.

What do you think of the financial reform bill?
I think considering the effect that the banks had on the entire system that it’s understandable people are truly outraged but I do worry that the politicians might take it too far. There’s been talk it might be watered down, though, so that’s a good thing.

You were Miss New Hampshire. Do you feel that any subsequent Miss New Hampshires have lived up to your standards?
I haven’t kept up with the pageant! I don’t know anyone who’s won so I really can’t say.

Was being a beauty queen good training for financial journalism?
Well I learned how to do my make-up which can come in pretty handy but other than that I don’t think there’s a huge connection.

As a former Goldman Sachs employee, do you think all the heat they’ve taken has been warranted? Do you want to rub Lloyd’s gleaming pate and tell him it’s all going to be okay?
I think Goldman is like the Yankees. They’ve been incredibly successful so it’s easy to take shots at them. People love to hate.

After Goldman, you did a stint at DE Shaw. A friend of mine was told by a rather intense representative of the firm that they only hire “geniuses”—are you a genius? The logic follows
[Laughs] Well I’ve never been tested so I couldn’t say. When I was there the culture was very much about being super smart. And you got to wear jeans to work—jeans with hole in them!

What’s next for you professionally? RenTec?
I definitely want to say in news and financial journalism. I love CNBC and I do a lot of other work for other brands within the company, like the Today Show and Nightly News. And I’m doing another documentary.

Part II to Pot?
Yes! This one’s not in California, it’s all over. I was just in Portugal, and we were out in Denver, which is really the emerging market of marijuana.

Have you been forced to partake a lot for research purposes?
You know I’ve actually never smoked pot in my life.
Ever think about changing that?
Probably not, I feel like I’ve made it this long without doing it. I’ve also never eaten ketchup. Maybe I’ll just have one crazy night where I do all the things I’ve never done.

David Shaw, Steve Cohen, George Soros: Who would you want to babysit your kids? Who would you want to father you kids (if Mr. Ben was out of the picture)? Who would you want to pay 2&20 (or 3&50)?
That’s a tough one. I think I’d go with David to baby-sit. For managing my money? Probably have to go with David—
You can’t do that, you picked him as the babysitter.
But he’s so good!
But nothing– these are the rules. You can only use one name per category. You know Steve’s not too shabby with money, why not take him?
Yeah but David’s a genius, remember?
Well actually I didn’t say that someone on his payroll did but okay, then put Steve on babysitting. I’m sure he’d do a good job. Great airplane noises while feeding them.
Okay Steve as babysitter—though he probably wouldn’t be a match for Larry’s skills—and David investing.
And the final category?
I’m very, very happy with my husband.
Don’t doubt that at all. But in our imaginary scenario, he’s out of the picture and you need a donor.
Really, no, very happy with husband.
Pretend I’m putting a gun to your head.
Can’t answer this question—impossible.
Fine– but I just want you to know that George Soros does have feelings.

Alright, let’s move on. I noticed that you didn’t graduate from college until 2000, after finishing high in ’91. What went on in those gap years?
I took some time off to pursue a career as an opera singer.
Why’d you give that up?
I didn’t love it enough. It was something that I wanted to do when I was 14.
What’s your favorite opera?
La Traviata.
Do you sing in the shower?
I have sung in the shower but I don’t anymore because one time our neighbor came over and asked us if we could “turn the volume down on the stereo.”
Wow. The cheek of some people.

Are your daughters going to call Larry Kudlow “Uncle Larry”?
Definitely. He hasn’t babysat yet but he promises and I’m going to be taking him up on that soon.

Pick for the World Cup?
USA, definitely.

The Dealbreaker readers came up with some questions for you. I’m just going to run down the list. Question number 1: How does it feel to be classified as a MILF?
What’s a MILF
It’s…it’s an acronym…it stands for Mother I’d Like to…synonym for word which means to have relations with. It’s a compliment.
Oh, then it feels good.

Question number 2: How do you feel you measured up next to Mandy and her assets?
I think I held my own.

Question number 3: If you had to: Charlie Gasparino or Dennis Kneale? Killing yourself is not an acceptable answer.
I think I would have to kill myself. Or be on life-support.
And then? Who would it be?
You think it would still be appealing for them?
Dennis Kneale and Charlie Gasparino? Yes, one of them would definitely still go for it, if not both.

Question number 4: Just so we can be fair, in that same vein, if you had to get down and dirty with one of the anchorettes on CNBC, whom would you choose?
See this question is just as hard as the last but for the opposite reason. I’m not into women but if I were it would be really difficult. We have a lot of beautiful ladies at CNBC.

Question number 5: Don’t know if you’ve kept up with this story, but a woman named Debrahlee Lorenzana recently claimed she was fired from Citi for being “too hot.” If you have kept up, give us your perspective — is she too hot?
She certainly looks very hot. Though obviously that shouldn’t have had an effect on her job.

Amanda Drury has said she’s coming with us on a field trip to Beamer’s, an establishment in Stamford, CT – are you in?
If Mandy goes I’ll go.

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

[photo via]

Say hello to your champs! Last night, things got crazy in the Lakers' locker room as they partied it up with buckets of champs and a box of Wheaties with their picture on the front.

Article courtesy of Los Angeles | Guest of a Guest – Los Angeles People, Places, Parties & Nightlife

Early last week, we were alerted to a message board containing a comment by a woman who accosted Bill Ackman at a recent General Growth Properties hearing. In it, she recounted their meeting and although perhaps mentally unstable, had a genius on her hands. Here is the relevant text:

“I waited Till Mr. Ackman was not talking to anyone, and shook his hand and told him he was one of my heros. He asked me who I was and I said I was a proud tenant and Artist at the South Street Seaport, and prould shareholder. He said I looked like a Artist, I told him thats what people said last time I was in GGP’s hearing. I told him the next German Shepard dog I get I will name him Bill Ackman, and the last German Shepard I had was named Warren Buffet [ all true ] I told him that I used to get cards from my Vet that said Warren Buffett needed his rabies and distemper shots.I told him I would send him the cards about Bill Ackman dog for his shots. He laughed and I feel I amused him, slightly charmed him and was slightly foolish. LOL!!!

Obviously, we were inspired and immediately dispatched someone to purchase a fluffy white cat for the Dealbreaker office. We named it after our favorite hedge fund manager and moving forward, will be providing you with daily updates of our time together. Here’s how life with Stevie has been going so far.

Day 1: Came into the office today and was dismayed to see that our fur baby had mistaken my keyboard for his litter box. Bad Stevie.

Day 3: I’ve always said I wasn’t going to be one of those owners who dressed up her pet. Nevertheless, despite having a thick coat, Stevie looked a little chilly today (we keep the temperature at 69 degrees Fahrenheit to make sure no one dozes off) so I put him in a fleece jacket made specially for cats. He has never looked happier.

Day 7: I’m becoming one of those owners who sends people pictures of their cats, as though anyone cares. Unfortunately, Stevie seems to hate having his picture taken and I was only able to get two this morning before he hissed at me and ran away. Later, he stole my keys and wouldn’t give them back until I showed him that I’d deleted photos.

Day 10: Knowing that I can’t be the only one who finds Stevie devastatingly handsome, I entered him in to the Cat Fanciers’ Association (CFA) annual cat show. I just know we’re gonna win big.

Day 14: This afternoon I put Stevie in his carrier and brought him with me to a meeting at a hedge fund called Ping Capital. The founder asked if he could hold him and was very interested to hear if we’d be having Stevie neutered. He kept insisting we had to do it, saying Stevie would be a better behaved cat for it. Maybe I’m being paranoid but the way he kept pressing the issue made me extremely uncomfortable. We’re never going back there.

Stay tuned.

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

Here’s The Guardian’s Andrew Clark on a peculiar encounter with Lloyd Blankfein at Obama’s speech today. Gary Cohn was more forthcoming.

From The Guardian:

“Mr Blankfein, I’m Andrew Clark from The Guardian,” I said. “What did you think of the speech?”

Without a flicker of acknowledgement, Blankfein, 55, stared ahead and continued walking.

Walking alongside him, I asked: “Mr Blankfein, has your company done anything wrong?”

The Goldman boss was having none of it, striding onward without a sound. I tried again: “Mr Blankfein, what do you think of the SEC’s charges against your company?”

Still no response.

Rather awkwardly, given the lack of small talk, we both then got trapped in a crowded stairwell for a good three minutes while waiting for the Secret Service to allow guests to leave Cooper Union. Although we were less than three feet apart, the Goldman boss, who got a $9m bonus last year, maintained his adamant silence, except to warn a photographer taking his picture from above: “Don’t hurt yourself.”

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker