Wherever there’s a threat of sexual violence, there I’ll be.

His plan is fairly simple: “put Lloyd Blankfein in pound-me-in-the-ass prison.”

Naturally he shared this idea with Matt Taibbi, a journalist known for, among other things, lashing out at people in violent ways when he doesn’t agree with them, “on a dreary, snowy night in Washington this past month.”

“You put Lloyd Blankfein in pound-me-in-the-ass prison for one six-month term, and all this bullshit would stop, all over Wall Street,” says a former congressional aide. “That’s all it would take. Just once.”

This hasn’t happened, Taibbi notes, “because the entire system set up to monitor and regulate Wall Street is fucked up.” Suspending reality for a moment so that we don’t even have to touch on the notion that that is the reason this hasn’t happened, and if not for that one reason it would’ve, I’d like to propose a deal, on Blankfein’s half, who I think will be game. LB will take one for Team Sanity and grant Taibbi and his anonymous source their wish, if in exchange, we get to pick a scenario they must submit to. Ideas that come to mind-which have been admittedly ripped off- include Blankfein getting to throw scalding hot coffee in MT’s face or smashing a pie filled with horse semen in his mug.

Why Isn’t Wall Street In Jail [RS]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

Like most of you, we like our Jamie Dimon right where we can see him- in our direct line of vision, running JPMorgan, sticking up for banks, going on dates with Lloyd and just being his generally passionate boy-toy CEO self. We can’t imagine JPMorgan without him and don’t want to. In fact, there’s only one other position we’d rather see him in, and that’s running his own bar ‘n grill. Unlike most fantasies, this isn’t one we conjured up with ourselves but rather one that actually came from JD, via his wife, who said a couple years back that one dream of her husband’s was to “open his own restaurant and turning himself into Sam Malone of Cheers.” All we did was flesh the thing out, by picking a venue (the basement of the old Bear Stearns building) and coming up with some fun gimmicks, like $2 dollar shot night. Well, apparently we can put our plans on ice, because today our dream was shattered and not gently.

Dimon, a Democrat, also downplayed persistent speculation he might leave JPMorgan to go into the political arena.

“I love what I do. I want to be here. I want to stay,” he said. “I’m not going into politics and I’m not opening a restaurant.”

Whatever. Like we care.

Dimon: I’m Staying Put And Bank Is Expanding [NYT]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

Here’s what the Don said last night on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight” when asked about mingling with sauced up members of the business community:

“There’s a banker — and obviously I’m not going to mention names…I’ll never forget a very respected banker, highly respected. And he was making a speech at the Waldorf Astoria. And he was very tipsy, very — and shortly thereafter, he was just totally stone cold drunk. There were probably 2,000 people, 1,500 people at this dinner. It was a very big event. And we carried him out on his back. We carried him out literally on his back and — And I never felt the same way about him.

Trump went on to say he can’t even look at the guy anymore and that he’s “lost all respect” for him. Choking back tears**, Trump wouldn’t say who his fallen hero is or if he had to hold the guy’s hair back as he vomited on the street corner but he did offer one more clue.

“He just retired. But he was a very powerful banker, one of the biggest.”

So! Any guesses?

PIERS MORGAN ASKS DONALD TRUMP ABOUT POLITICS, FAMILY & FIXING THE ECONOMY [CNN via Business Insider]

**Guessing.

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

Gold May Get Boost From Increased Collateral Use, MF Global Says (Bloomberg)
JPMorgan yesterday said it will accept bullion “to satisfy securities lending and repo obligations” as more clients seek to use gold as an inflation hedge and to post as collateral…“The announcement should be slightly positive for gold prices, as it further grows the belief that gold is a currency and has more uses than simply acting as a safe haven or portfolio diversifier,” Tom Pawlicki, an analyst at MF Global in Chicago, said today in a report.

Meredith Whitney’s Muni Bond Prediction Draws Scrutiny (NYT)
“I’ve seen a copy of the report, and frankly, I’ve seen better papers from graduate students in finance,” said Richard P.Larkin, director of credit analysis at Herbert J.Sims & Company, a municipal bond broker and underwriter. “It’s ludicrous, reckless and irresponsible, and it’s being done without any regard for the consequences.”

Goldman Sachs Turns Bullish on European Banks Bond Market Shuns (Bloomberg)
The bank is telling investors to buy European bank stocks for the first time in more than 16 months. Bond buyers are taking the opposite view on concern that policy makers will fail to staunch the debt crisis.

Rep Ryan: Fed Should Raise Rates (CNBC)
“I’m worried they’re not going to pre-empt inflation,” Ryan said. “I’m worried they’re going to see it too late and we’re going to have a problem.”

Obama Urges Businesses To Increase Spending For Good Of The Country (Bloomberg)
“As we work with you to make America a better place to do business, I’m hoping that all of you are thinking what you can do for America,” Obama said. “Ask yourselves what you can do to hire more American workers, what you can do to support the American economy and invest in this nation.”

Behind The Bond Crisis Brouhaha (NYP)
Charlie Gasparino has a theory: “My sources in Washington say the left sees the writing on the wall: A more conservative electorate means less money from Washington to finance the various welfare schemes and public-sector unions. What better way to keep the federal gravy train running than to use predictions of another financial collapse to dismiss the budget-cutting progress made by such governors as New Jersey’s Chris Christie?”

Florida Bans Cocaine-Like Bath Salt (NPR)
“For lack of a better term, they’re flipped out. It’s almost like a psychotic break. They’re extremely anxious and combative, they think there’s stuff trying to get them, they’re paranoid, they’re having hallucinations. So, the encounters are not pleasant,” Ryan says. “And we were finding that some of these guys couldn’t be sedated with the normal drugs that we would use with other stimulants.”

Banks Reach Out To Small Firms (WSJ)
“We found that small-business people have to eat, too,” says Rick Hartnack, U.S. Bancorp’s vice chairman for consumer banking. During the past two years, U.S. Bancorp also has added more than 100 private bankers who can sell loans and other products to doctors, lawyers and other small-business owners.

Cash Buyers Boost Battered Housing Market (WSJ)
Nationally, 28% of sales were all-cash transactions last year, according to the National Association of Realtors. The rate was 14% in October 2008, when the trade group began tracking the measure.

UBS Optimistic On Attracting More Client Funds In 2011 (Bloomberg)
“We are optimistic that overall positive net new money inflows will continue in the first quarter,” Chief Executive Officer Oswald Gruebel and Chairman Kaspar Villiger said in a letter to shareholders today. “For the full year, we believe that net new money will strengthen noticeably.”

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

“If he decides to get out of banking, I think he would be really good in politics,” Bubba told Reuters (in perhaps the first ever profile to be somewhat critical of the JPMorgan CEO). On retirement prospects, JD said he couldn’t see himself teaching full time but does “get a kick out of” going to Harvard Business School from time to time to give lectures, which is something he could easily do while managing his bar and grill. [Reuters]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

When VentureBeat first reported on Silicon Valley investor Marc Bodnick’s departure from Elevation Partners, the private-equity firm he cofounded, I noted his enthusiasm for Quora, the online question-and-answer community founded by Charlie Cheever and Adam D’Angelo, two early Facebook employees.

When rumors broke that he was actually taking a formal job at Quora, I asked him — on Quora — how the startup recruited him.

This morning, he finally answered my question! Here’s his response:

Meeting the founders and using the product were the first steps in my growing interest in the company. I knew Charlie Cheever and Adam D’Angelo through mutual friends. I’ve been an active Quora user since October 2009, a time when there were only a few hundred users. I got onto the site after running into Charlie and Rebekah Cox, Quora’s lead product designer and first employee, at a birthday party in Palo Alto and bugging them for a beta invitation.

In October, Charlie invited me into the beta and I became immediately addicted. I have an eclectic set of interests, and I spent a ton of time on non-technical topics -> U.S. Politics, Movies, Children’s Books, Crossword Puzzles. In 2009-10, my kids and I were in the middle of reading Harry Potter, and I ended up writing dozens of questions about the books as I read each one. Then I did the same thing for the Matrix movies, Iron Man 2, and Black Swan. (I’m currently plowing through Percy Jackson, btw.) I wrote way more questions than answers.

In early 2010, Charlie and I started talking about policy on the site, and he asked me if I wanted to get more involved with the company. So I started meeting most Sunday nights with Adam, Charlie, and Rebekah. These were awesome discussions for me. I was like a Madden fan getting to hang out with Bill Walsh to talk about the West Coast offense.

Toward the end of the year, Adam, Charlie and I started talking about the idea of me joining Quora in a more active role. It’s a small company, so I’ll take on a variety of roles including product marketing, community, and business operations. This is a big change since I’ve been an investor my whole life. I start Monday Jan 31 at Quora and it is a super-exciting new adventure for me.

Tags: hires, recruiting

Companies: Elevation Partners, quora

People: adam dangelo, charlie cheever, Marc Bodnick, Rebekah Cox

Article courtesy of VentureBeat » deals

When VentureBeat first reported on Silicon Valley investor Marc Bodnick’s departure from Elevation Partners, the private-equity firm he cofounded, I noted his enthusiasm for Quora, the online question-and-answer community founded by Charlie Cheever and Adam D’Angelo, two early Facebook employees.

When rumors broke that he was actually taking a formal job at Quora, I asked him — on Quora — how the startup recruited him.

This morning, he finally answered my question! Here’s his response:

Meeting the founders and using the product were the first steps in my growing interest in the company. I knew Charlie Cheever and Adam D’Angelo through mutual friends. I’ve been an active Quora user since October 2009, a time when there were only a few hundred users. I got onto the site after running into Charlie and Rebekah Cox, Quora’s lead product designer and first employee, at a birthday party in Palo Alto and bugging them for a beta invitation.

In October, Charlie invited me into the beta and I became immediately addicted. I have an eclectic set of interests, and I spent a ton of time on non-technical topics -> U.S. Politics, Movies, Children’s Books, Crossword Puzzles. In 2009-10, my kids and I were in the middle of reading Harry Potter, and I ended up writing dozens of questions about the books as I read each one. Then I did the same thing for the Matrix movies, Iron Man 2, and Black Swan. (I’m currently plowing through Percy Jackson, btw.) I wrote way more questions than answers.

In early 2010, Charlie and I started talking about policy on the site, and he asked me if I wanted to get more involved with the company. So I started meeting most Sunday nights with Adam, Charlie, and Rebekah. These were awesome discussions for me. I was like a Madden fan getting to hang out with Bill Walsh to talk about the West Coast offense.

Toward the end of the year, Adam, Charlie and I started talking about the idea of me joining Quora in a more active role. It’s a small company, so I’ll take on a variety of roles including product marketing, community, and business operations. This is a big change since I’ve been an investor my whole life. I start Monday Jan 31 at Quora and it is a super-exciting new adventure for me.

Tags: hires, recruiting

Companies: Elevation Partners, quora

People: adam dangelo, charlie cheever, Marc Bodnick, Rebekah Cox

Article courtesy of VentureBeat » deals

If you have ever wished you hadn’t taken the advice of a film critic, or cringed after purchasing a well-reviewed product that turned out to be junk, chances are you have since become a smarter shopper. Bad experiences teach us to be wary of the advice of others, especially those who are being paid to give us advice.

It seems that investors have begun to learn those same lessons. Bloomberg reports that, among companies within the S&P 500, those that were recommended increased 73% (on average) since March 2009. Meanwhile, the companies with the fewest “buy” recommendations were more than twice as successful, gaining 165%.

According to Bloomberg, retailers and restaurant chains are among the banks’ favorite investments. But investors who view the recommendations as a contrary indicator are buying into utilities, which disburse the highest dividends after telephone stocks. Wary investors are also turning to banks, which Bloomberg believes are likely to grow three times as fast as the S&P 500 this year.

“When you have a stock that has 15 analysts covering it and it has 15 buys, I can’t imagine it has much outperformance left,” said Don Wordell, a fund manager at Atlanta-based RidgeWorth Capital Management Inc. His $1.64 billion RidgeWorth Mid-Cap Value Equity Fund topped 98% of its peers in the past five years. “You’ve got a stock that has 15 sells on it, you’re set up there to have some strong outperformance.”

For the last six weeks, the S&P 500 has been moving upward. Bloomberg data show that the index has gained 88% (up to 1,271.50) since March 9, 2009.

In 2010, the index rallied 13%. Netflix, Inc. (NASDAQ: NFLX) earned the top spot for highest gains, rising 219% last year. Cummins Inc. (NYSE: CMI) scored an impressive 140%.

Previously, analysts predicted that health-care and technology companies would win the year, but they ended up having two of the three smallest rallies among 10 industries in the S&P 500, gaining less than 10%. At the same time, banks and real estate firms – which analysts did not rate very highly – performed the best, rising 19% and 28%, respectively.

Further gains were brought on by the Federal Reserve’s stimulus spending, which has poured a reported $600 billion into bonds. Bloomberg says that the companies that earned the most are the ones that are most closely tied to the economy. Cliffs Natural Resources Inc. (NYSE: CLF) is one such beneficiary, gaining 69%.

Still, David A. George, a bank analyst at Robert W. Baird & Co., does not believe that analysts could have foreseen the impending changes to financial regulations.

“A year ago today, financial regulatory reform was not even on people’s radar,” he said. “Going into 2010, a lot of investors were positioned in big banks. With the increased political and regulatory scrutiny, you saw money come out of those names and into the regionals.”

Investors: 1, Analysts: 0 [Benzinga]

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Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

Or the 32 percent who think their number is pretty fair? Or the 56 percent who think they should get more? Or the 9 percent who don’t want to talk about it? You’re in a safe space— open up. (Related: apparently a higher percentage of the men than women polled thought their number was unfair, if you can believe that.) [Esquire]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

And in America, we don’t negotiate with terrorists! Except for when we do! [RCP]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker