When we last checked in with Lenny Dykstra, things seem to be on the up and up for the former baseball player-cum-Jim Cramer endorsed money manager. He claimed to “be back,” spiritually and financially-speaking, on account of his new “mortgage forensic research firm,” known as Predatory Lending Recovery, LLC, which despite not yet having any clients and only one testimonial, Len said is a billion dollar business. He described himself as “a lightning rod for money.” And he suggested he was still in possession of the thing the matters most to him in life, his private jet. Then, this happened:

Former pro baseball player Lenny Dykstra’s housekeeper has accused him of sexual assault, according to records…the female housekeeper alleged Dykstra would force her to give him oral sex on Saturdays.

No stranger to sexually harassing members of his staff (in 1999 Dykstra was arrested for that sort of thing with a 17-year-old female who worked at his car wash), we wondered if this news would threaten Nails’ comeback, and if it was a harbinger of worse things to come. However, prosecutors have apparently decided not to file charges, “because of an apparent lack of evidence that the activity was forced.” Here’s what LD had to say about the matter:

In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, Dykstra denied the allegations, saying the woman was trying to extort him to buy drugs. “If she was assaulted on Saturdays, then I’m a … ballerina dancer on Sundays,” Dykstra said. “This is a maid. That’s not even worth commenting on, are you kidding me?”

Lenny Dykstra Accused Of Sexual Assault, No Charges Filed [LATimes]

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“[He] obviously has some money, because when I met him he was staying in a beautiful Beverly Hills hotel,” Monica Foster, who was on the receiving end of a bounced check from Nails, told Radar.

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Brother from another mother Jim Cramer would surely say no but one woman begs to differ.

According to “Monica Foster,” broadcasting from what appears to be her bedroom, Dykstra effectively “ruined Christmas” by paying her for services rendered with a bad check, leaving her bank account in the negative, meaning no funds for presents. Now she’s questioning whether Nails has any money at all; she suspects he does and simply screwed her over because he could (plus, she listened to a recent interview with LD in which he says he emerged from his bankruptcy bunker with $150 million to his name, in addition to a billion dollar business, so). The Nails talk gets going around 8:30.

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Today brings some devastating news for legendary investor Lenny Dykstra. His Thousand Oaks manse, his most prized possession, has been sold in a foreclosure auction.

Dykstra bought the house from Wayne Gretzky in August 2007, for $18.5 million. It featured 8 bedrooms, a guest house, a carriage house, a pool and a tennis court. It was his crown jewel. When Nails ran into some money trubs, he did not want to sell but felt okay about it if the place could go to someone who truly valued it, which was why he attempted to score a 33% return after living there for ten months, putting the spread on the market for $24,950,000. Despite throwing in some extras that should’ve clinched the deal (the coup de grace of the package being LD’s “Discarded Dips Of Distinction,” a collection of chewing tobacco from the great moments in his illustrious career, tastefully encased in a white gold-flecked display case), Nails got no bites and his financial situation did not exactly improve. The banks told him he had to leave but he wasn’t ready to part ways with his baby. When he was told they were serious, and that he needed to get the fuck out, ASAP, LD said fine, but not without a parting gift. Ripping out the bathroom fixtures (toilets and sinks, mostly), he vowed to return.

And while he didn’t get a job, Dykstra made strides in the right direction. He sold pictures of himself on Craiglist, he offered to have phone sex with the highest bidder and after living “like Gandhi, out of a bag,” Dykstra somehow managed to land himself a 12th-story penthouse in Westwood while waiting to come back. He was said to have “several” projects planned, gets cases of Red Bull delivered every day and has a personal assistant named Destiny. And best of all, he had his spirit back, telling a reporter that his new theme song (and financial situation aspiration) is “Billionaire” and his long term goals is to be on the cover of Forbes. In the short term? He was ready to go home.

And now that dream has been smashed to pieces.

CNBC has learned that the hilltop mansion inside Sherwood Country Club which Lenny Dykstra bought from Wayne Gretzky for $17.5 million has been sold in a foreclosure auction. The winning bid (perhaps the only bid) came from Index Investors, the “hard money” lender which loaned Dykstra around $600,000 before his finances collapsed. Index Investors’ attorney, Bruce Speiser, tells CNBC that Jeff Smith bought the home for a mere fraction of $25 million. In fact, he got it for close to the amount of money Dykstra owed Index, plus interest, between $600,000 and $700,000. However, Chase still has a lien on the property for its $12 million first mortgage. Speiser says Smith is working with Chase to come to terms whereby Smith would fix up the mansion and sell it, and both parties would share the profits. The bankruptcy court Trustee is also involved.

Index hopes to repair damage to the home blamed on Dykstra. Last year the former World Series great removed fixtures and flooring to show water damage to the property, demanding payment by Fireman’s Fund. The insurer has since agreed to pay for a portion of the cost to repair the mansion and another home Dykstra owned inside Sherwood.

That’s not even the worst part, which is that a bankruptcy court has barred Nails from coming near the manse. Now not only can he not move home, but can’t “keep an eye on things” with a pair of binoculars from across the street, or squat on the backyard.

Lenny Dykstra’s Mansion Sells At Auction [CNBC]

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The last couple years have not been going, as they say, so good for Lenny Dykstra. He got thrown out of his house (but not before ripping out the bathroom fixtures and pissing on the wall), he filed for bankruptcy (representing himself in court, natch), and his he former friend, Jim Cramer, who nominated him for chairman of the Federal Reserve turned his back when times got tough. We never stopped hoping that things would get better for Nails, though. And it apparently, they have. Way better.

After living “like Gandhi, out of a bag,” Dykstra has somehow managed to land himself a 12th-story penthouse in Westwood. It’s there that he “plots a financial comeback,” the specifics of which of yet to be banged out but may include hawking old photos on Craigslist and working as a phone sex operator. He’s also said to have “several” projects planned, including bringing back the Players Club magazine, spends a lot of time “chugging Red Bull,” and has a personal assistant named Destiny. The best news, though, is that Nails has got his spirit back.

“I have been fighting my whole life,” Dykstra said. “That’s why I have a new theme song, dude, and I am going to play it for you.”

“I want to be a billionaire, so … bad, buy all of the things I never had,” he sang along, loudly and off-key, to the Travie McCoy song “Billionaire,” as it blared from his Bose computer speakers. “I want to be on the cover of Forbes magazine, smiling next to Oprah and the queen.”

Lenny Dykstra Envisions A Comeback [LATimes]

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You might not have known it at the time, but in March 2008, circa the same month Jim Cramer called him the greatest mind on Wall Street, Lenny Dykstra was going through some money trubs. This was just prior to Dykstra putting his beloved Thousand Oaks home on the market, at a selling price that indicated he believed it possible to see a 33% return on the place, after having bought it from Wayne Gretzky for $18.5 million in August 2007 and owning it for ten months. As you are probably aware, despite LD’s streak of crazy spot on the money calls, this one did not pan out as he’d predicted, and the home was foreclosed on, though not before Nails ripped out the bathroom fixtures, left “unfit to print” items on the walls and floor (knowing Dykstra, one must assume feces), and blamed the whole thing on JPMorgan née WaMu. This was also prior to the former car wash king of California being forced to live out of his car and auction off phone calls with himself on Craigslist. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

In March 2008, our boy, likely due to the brain damage inflicted by seeing how far he could push a Twizzler into his ear and not stopping when he felt resistance, just thought he need a little cash. Two-hundred and fifty thousand would probably do the trick, and as luck would have it, someone was offering him that exact amount!

In the late winter of 2008, an entrepreneur named Richard O’Connor, who had become Dykstra’s favored adviser, introduced him to Shannon Illingworth, the founder of a publicly traded company called Automated Vending Technologies, or AVT, and the two quickly cut a deal. O’Connor told me that on March 25, 2008, Illingworth gave Dykstra roughly $250,000 worth of AVT stock in exchange for plugging the company on Cramer’s website, TheStreet.com, and promising to provide a personal introduction to Cramer. O’Connor claims that Dykstra told him he knew the pay-to-plug arrangement was illegal. To avoid getting caught, O’Connor says, the former All-Star baseball player had a solution: “We can just put the stock in Keith’s name,” referring to his brother-in-law, Keith Peel.

And so it was done. O’Connor provided me copies of stock certificates showing that on March 25, 2008, Keith Peel was issued 250,000 shares of AVT stock, which traded at roughly $1 a share. “Keith didn’t know anything about it,” says O’Connor, maintaining that using Peel’s name was a way to stash the stock away from potential regulatory oversight. The shares were held at Dykstra’s mansion, which is where O’Connor retrieved them. Just two weeks later, on June 6, 2008, Dykstra offered his premium subscribers a curious “bonus” recommendation: a plain old penny stock named AVT, “which gives investors a lot of potential upside.” Dykstra droned on endlessly about the stock, with all the conviction of a prisoner of war extolling the cause of his captors for the cameras.

When I contacted him shortly before The Zeroes printed, AVT founder Illingworth admitted that he hired Dykstra as a consultant for his “relationships with TheStreet.com, Cramer,” and that the idea for Dykstra to tout his company’s stock was “mutual.” (Despite the certificates, Illingworth denied ever giving Dykstra or Peel $250,000 worth of stock; instead he claims the only money he gave to Dykstra was $15,000 to trade on his behalf, a sum that disappeared.)

O’Connor claims that Illingworth was angry that he didn’t get more plugs from Dykstra, or a meeting with Cramer. O’Connor also says while advising Dykstra in the first half of 2008, he saw multiple other offers from small company CEOs offering Dykstra cash in exchange for access to Cramer, though he does not know if Dykstra ever cashed in on those opportunities.

Lenny Dykstra Stock Scandal [TDB]

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In this case, “practically” nothing = $3,200 but it’ll be worth it. A) You’ll get the above items, which are priceless and B) You’ll get to say you were the guy or gal who saved LD from turning tricks, which is what’s coming next if someone doesn’t take one for the team.

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Less than two weeks ago, Lenny Dykstra filed a $100 million suit against JPMorgan née Washington Mutual, claiming it was the bank that caused Nails to lose millions due to “predatory lending” and it is Jamie Dimon who should be losing sleep at night over the fact that Nails lives in the back of a Chevelle and can no longer afford to fly private. Last week he decided to take it all back.

Lenny Dykstra has dropped his $100 million predatory lending lawsuit against JPMorgan Chase & Co, and the bank has reached an agreement with a bankruptcy trustee to let it foreclose on the former baseball center fielder’s California mansion, court filings show…It is unclear why Dykstra dropped the lawsuit after just nine days. The dismissal was disclosed in a Friday filing in Manhattan federal court. The JPMorgan agreement was disclosed in a March 23 filing in a California bankruptcy court.

Okay sure BUT WHY? Did LD drop some acid and hallucinate a giant Twizzler telling him to pick and choose his battles? Did the legal team at Nails Investments urge him to drop the case? Did Jamie Dimon, who recently started making house calls (or car calls, as it were) beat some sense into him? These things don’t just come about organically. What happened here?

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker

Show us on the doll where Jamie Dimon touched you.

Those of you who’ve been keeping up with Nails’ Travails are well aware of the fact that his current financial situation? Is not fault of his own. There is someone to blame however, and that someone, LD has said many times, is JPMorgan. It is JPMorgan née Washington Mutual who caused Lenny to lose millions due to “predatory lending” and it is JPMorgan who should be losing sleep at night over the fact that Nails lives in the back of a Chevelle and can no longer afford to fly private. And if you thought he was kidding, think again.

Dykstra filed his complaint today in Manhattan federal court, claiming he lost $100 million when he was forced to sell promissory notes he owned because the bank didn’t go through with a promised refinancing. He accuses the New York-based bank of engaging in predatory lending.

The bank “created a scenario” in which it “issued a loan designed to fail and in which” the bank “now stands to profit by acquiring the property [Wayne Gretzky's old house] through plaintiff’s default, rather than by receiving payment on the loan,” according to the complaint.

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Some of the most respected members of society let Twizzlers dangle from their mouths. Fact.

So, Lenny Dykstra has asked a judge to dismiss his bankruptcy case. Why? Nails has a reason.

“Bottom line, you don’t belong in bankruptcy when you have $100 million in assets,” Dykstra said Tuesday in a telephone interview.

Oh, okay $100 million in assets, that makes sense. LD has another good reason for his request, which is that he’d like to “once again claim his role as a productive member of society,” emphasis ours. He’s made a lot of strides in that direction, namely with the founding of a new firm, Nails Investments, but he really wants this scarlet ‘b’ taken off his chest. To that end, if the judge will do this for him, LD has promised to give up shitting on the floor and ripping bathroom fixtures out of people’s houses. And the crack. He’ll give up the crack, you can take that away right now. No wait, not, he’s not ready for that. Shoot is it too late? [Bites fist, pulls hair, wonders WHAT HAVE I DONE?]

Article courtesy of Dealbreaker